Mothers Day can be tough for some.
How to handle Mothers Day when your mom is less than stellar. (Trigger alert for those of you with a background of childhood abuse) First of all, shoutout to all the great moms out there. There are so many and I know so many! Kudos to you, you are what makes the world go ‘round. #ForRealsies Well this may not be a popular thing to post but I know there are people out there with parents who are jerks. You are not alone. I’m not sure what the law of averages is for the number of jerks in the world but I’m sure many of them are parents. Now before you get all judgy on me, hear me out why I say that about my mom. I didn’t always think this way about her. I was ALWAYS a mama’s girl from day one. My parents were on the outs by the time I was born and the story goes that she said “this one is mine” (which is what my name means) when I arrived, the last of 3 children. My parents were divorced by the time I was 2 and unfortunately, my mother married a horribly abusive man who made life a living hell until I moved out at 17. My siblings and I didn’t tell our mother about a lot of the abuse until we were grown, which included mental, physical and sexual abuse that began when we were very young. In 2001, hallelujah, she left him! I finally felt like I had a real family I could be proud of. But 8 years ago she chose to remarry the man who had systematically abused me and my siblings for years. BOOM, out of the blue, she calls me to say she was getting back together with him and her consolation was that “she wouldn’t bring him to family events”. Hmm, well that’s just awesome, right? I was going through a divorce at the time so I was already in a raw emotional place. I remember sitting at my kitchen table, staring out the window and listening to her justify her choice. I said “Ok, Mom, let me call you back.” I never did. I still haven’t. I wish I had a better reason for her choice. Honestly, I think it came down to a fear of being alone. Now, I realize this an extreme case of “that’s the worst story I’ve ever heard” but I’ve been blessed with friends and relatives who more than make up for having a mom who made a really shitty choice. I have no children of my own (by choice) and plan on getting my friends’ children to take care of me when I start edging towards crazytown. I envision my own little tiny house on one of the kids’ properties where Crazy Aunt Mia can sit in her rocking chair, blasting 80’s music, with a large recycle bin nearby for my wine bottles. So, back to you, my fellow “I have a shitty parent” person, I know that social media can be excruciating on these days. And let’s face it, you don’t want to rain on people’s Happy Family Parade! Personally, this year I reverted to posting a video of me sprinkling my cats ashes in Venice - I figured there were cat moms out there who would appreciate it. So, I offer you hope and understanding. There will always be a sting a sense of feeling left out but celebrating friends who are good moms, and THEIR moms brings me tremendous joy. (And if you have kids of your own, celebrate that you are a great parent!) I have faith in humanity when I see others who are good parents and have good parents. But know you are not alone if yours is not.